My World Inside a Bottle - A Memory Journal
1st September 2016
"Addiction can make your world so small; it can exist only within the confines of a bottle."
An anonymous writer shares a story of what life is like when your world revolves an addiction and how quickly everything can disappear.
July - Day 1
I may be carrying around a bottle of wine in my purse, but I am seemingly normal to the outside world. I walk around with confidence. I am friendly, outgoing and compassionate. I enjoy things around my new city and remain busy, out and about. I am highly functioning even though I am hiding something, something I’m not even aware of yet.
August - Day 42
Slowly, normal activities in my life begin to disappear. I lose interest in the things I love to do and basic things like eating and waking up in the morning become my main priorities, besides the alcohol of course. It’s interesting because I know something is wrong, but I can’t accept my truth yet. I know my life is different, but everything seems fine as long as the bottle is by my side.
August - Day 49
Even though I have a fulfilling life, it has become alarmingly less important. I know the things I stand for, the things I love and care for are waiting for me, but somehow it doesn’t matter anymore. I am torn because I want both my life and alcohol to stay with me, although it seems clear that the two cannot exist at the same time.
September - Day 64
I am now fully immersed in my tiny radius of a glass bottle. I cannot go any further without it. I am in an intoxicated love affair with alcohol. This doesn’t seem fair! How did this even happen? I can acknowledge the reality of my tangled situation but I can’t fix it. It’s repetitive and relentless. It is comfortable and feels like home.
September - Day 80
A fog has taken over my brain and my body. I live for this liquid and the momentary silence I receive. I can’t remember what I am doing here or what day it is. Why did I even wake up today? The harsh reality of today is that I need another bottle, or three. I need more to function and stay alive; but I question what I am living for.
October - Day 92
I have surrendered. I have lost hope and have clung to the people who care most about me. My thoughts are scattered and I know only one good thing: love. I am depleted of most everything else, but love still remains. I have some sense inside to draw my attention to the people who know me best and listened to them. So today I will leave my preciously awful world inside a bottle.
126 Days Sober
I can now say I embrace a new reality to which I am forever grateful for today.